As promised, here is a short review of the "G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra" movie. Why short? Well, this movie is so stupid that I decided that the less I talk about the plot and the narrative, the less I'll be aggravated in the process. So I'll just go over the stuff I liked about it, of which is very little, and the rest.

The positive: I liked the music which accompanied the action nicely, but I came to expect such quality from Alan Silvestri. Also, Marlon Wayans was actually tolerable. I usually can't stand the guy. "Requiem for a Dream" was the only film in which he did any acting. Otherwise, he's just a poor black man's Jim Carry. Really poor. And really black.

The negative: The entire film. The rest of the cast either do absolutely nothing (a good thing in this case) or turn in a specially bad performance. Tatum Channing looks pretty and dumb. Not for a moment did I believe he was a real soldier. I still can't shake his image as a break-dancer from "Step-Up" or a gangster-wannabe from "Havoc". And he's not helping me in this movie. The female cast do nothing but look sexy in those tight black suits. And both are very capable actresses. Dennis Quaid - how mighty have fallen! He looks either drunk or very tired in every scene he's in. Or maybe both. I understand that he's bored out of his mind here, but must he bore me as well?! Mr. Eko/Adebisi (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) - you have such charisma and screen presence otherwise, where did you hide it? Dr. Who/Second Coming of Christ (Christopher Eccleston) - WTF?! How hard can it be to play the Hollywood's token British/Scottish bad guy? Dr. Evil from Austin Powers movies looked better. Sheesh! And the very talented and finally apretiated Joseph Gordon Levitt was probably laughing behind his mask and make-up, which is probably why they needed to dub him.

But hey, you'll say that movies like that are not made for the acting or the plot. They are made for special effects and the action. Well, for me, this movie failed at that too. The action is not very engaging and the special effects look so cartoonish and unrealistic, that Transformers look like District 9 in comparison. I had more fun watching the cartoons based on the same toys franchise. In fact, the latest G.I. Joe: Resolute is one kick-ass cartoon I really recommend to watch instead of this crap. I mean, they actually have a bad guy making demands based on real actions instead of empty threats. They blew up Moscow, for fuck's sake!